Open spaces and happy faces at the Crook County Fair.

 Hey everybody it’s County Fair time! So don’t even bother cooking in your hot kitchen August 5^th through the 8^th because who wants to cook when you can eat elephant ears and Pepsi for breakfast, lunch and dinner?  This year our family has been working extra hard to get our prize-winning pigs ready for show, and if you’ve ever been a 4-H or FFA member you know exactly what I’m talking about.  So, in the spirit of good sportsmanship I thought you might enjoy a glimpse of my latest Showmanship Training Tutorial.  I know that every good showman likes to use what works best for them, but feel free to use the following for your 4-H or FFA instructional purposes as well.

The goal when entering the show ring with your hog at the County Fair, see is to basically be superhuman. First and foremost, SMILE! Then, keep your eyes on the judge at all times, even though the sweat and dust are making you feel like you’ve just been sprayed at point-blank-range with mace.  Also, keep your pig under control, don't let your pig fight with the other pigs, and please SMILE.  Then steer your pig with a tiny stick (even though you'd rather use a lead pipe).  At all times keep SMILING, answer the judge's questions like you've owned a feed store all your life, then SMILE some more.  Follow your pig calmly (even when it’s doing pirouettes across the show ring), smack your pig with the show cane only when the judge ‘aint lookin', and move your pig fast if the pig next to you starts to poo.  Last, but not least, try to avoid eye contact with Mom because she'll try and communicate with you in some ridiculous sign language that only Mothers understand and, above all, SMILE dang-it! Grandma's in the bleachers!

Once you’ve made it through the harrowing experience of showing the animals, it’s time to move on to the highlight of the County Fair!  For my kids, that would be the Livestock Auction. It takes place August 8^th at 3:30 pm and it’s when those hard-working youngsters get to stuff their pockets (and college savings accounts?) full of money in exchange for (gulp) wrapping prize-winning hog in white butcher paper. I love watching the confused looks on the faces of my friends from the big city during this celebratory event.  Sick, aren’t I?

The bidding starts out modestly enough but quickly escalates to generous "donations" being made by all the local businesses that my kids “invite” to flirt with bankruptcy on auction day. Of course, these are usually the same local heroes the kids have already shelled out large sums of (my) money to for items such as feed and brushes, fencing and shampoo, water troughs and, let’s not forget, new tires for Mom's poor tread-less car.  Not to mention bottled water, more bottled water and a few tubs of red vines for sustenance.  Which reminds me, I seriously hope someone invited Costco to place a few bids at the Auction this year. They owe me big!

The Livestock Auction is also the evening BEFORE the-great-day-of-weeping-and-gnashing-of-teeth, also known as the day Wilbur gets hauled off in a butcher's truck. I've been around this block a time or two though, which is why my Peeps will be gorging themselves at Dairy Queen at approximately the same time the truck arrives.  And that’s when I will probably bring up the small matter of my fee.